Supporting someone after a suicide attempt

Common feelings and reactions after a suicide attempt

Discovering that someone you care about has tried to end their life can bring a range of emotions. It is estimated that 36% of Australians have been close to someone who took or attempted to take their own life, so you are not alone in this situation.1  

You may initially experience a range of emotions that fluctuate over time. Below are some of the more common feelings and reactions: 

• Shock and numbness: This may be especially strong if you did not know that they were struggling or distressed.  
• Anger: Thinking “how could they do this?” or anger at yourself for not preventing it.  
• Guilt: Thinking “if only I’d watched them more closely”. Please know that a suicide attempt is not your fault. You should not feel guilty if you think you missed or misread any suicide warning signs. 
• Fear: Worrying about their future and if they will try it again.  
• Shame: Feeling the need to keep the situation a secret due to perceived stigma.  
• Loss and betrayal: Feeling a sense of loss for the person as you knew them before, or betrayal if they kept their feelings from you. 

Understanding suicidal thoughts

The reasons why someone is experiencing suicidal thoughts are complex. During a crisis, they may experience: 

• Overbearing emotional pain and despair. 
• Feeling like a burden.  
• Feeling trapped or powerless to change their circumstances.  
• A sense of hopelessness, where suicide feels like the only option to stop their pain. 

What to say to someone who has attempted suicide

Often, people say that they find it difficult to support someone who has attempted suicide because they don’t know what to say. It can be hard to find the right words when you’re feeling overwhelmed and emotional yourself. 

To create an environment where the person feels loved and supported, here are some tips: 

• Be present: Sometimes, just sitting quietly with the person helps them know that you care and are there to support them. 
• Active listening: Give the person your full attention and the space to talk at their own pace. Try to summarise what they are saying and how they feel. For example, “I’m hearing that you’ve been feeling very distressed” to show you are truly listening. 
• Ask open-ended questions: Use prompts like “How have you been feeling?” rather than questions that only require a ‘yes’ or ‘no’.  

Here are some additional conversation prompts you might want to use to let the person know you are here to support them: 

• “I want to help you. Tell me what I can do to support you.” 
• “I’m here for you, whenever you’re ready to talk. 

What to consider

• Be available and let the person know you will listen. Creating a safe space for the person to talk will help to build or re-establish trust. 
• Listen and try to understand the person’s feelings and perspective before exploring solutions together. 
• Support the person in exploring realistic ways to deal with their emotional pain. This may mean making small steps at first, as the person’s distress likely didn’t develop overnight. 
• Enlist the help of others, and make sure you have family and friends who can assist you in supporting the person. 
• Remember that you do not have to take on the role of counsellor, psychologist, or doctor yourself. Encourage your loved one to access professional support and services.  
• Offer concrete help. Instead of a general offer, suggest specific tasks such as help with housework, childcare, or grocery shopping to ease their daily burden. 
• Work together to develop a safety plan that identifies coping strategies and contact details for support. Digital tools like the Beyond Now safety planning app can help people recognise their suicide warning signs and identify reasons to live. 

Unhelpful reactions to a suicide attempt

It is important for you to be aware of your own feelings and avoid reacting in ways that could block communication or cause your loved one to withdraw. Unhelpful responses include: 

• Panicking: “This can’t be happening.” 
• Criticising: “That was such a stupid thing to do.” 
• Preaching or lecturing: “You know you shouldn’t have done that; you should’ve asked for help.” 
• Ignoring: “If I just pretend this didn’t happen, it’ll go away.” 
• Simplifying things or using a quick fix approach: “You just need to get over the problem, and then you’ll feel like yourself again.” 
• Making the person feel guilty or selfish: “How did you think this would make me feel?” 

Looking after yourself

Supporting someone who has attempted suicide can be stressful and emotionally draining. This is not something you have to deal with on your own.  

Ensure you have adequate support systems in place and identify trusted family members or friends you can talk to about what you’re going through. 

Prioritise the basics. Make sure you are eating regularly, getting fresh air, and getting enough sleep. Take a break if you are feeling overwhelmed, as stepping away briefly doesn’t mean you are abandoning the person you care about.  

If you are struggling and finding it difficult to deal with the strain, please reach out for support: 

• Suicide Call Back Service: 1300 659 467 (national helpline) 
• Lifeline: 13 11 14 (national helpline) 
• 13YARN: 13 92 76 (national helpline for Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people) 
• Make an appointment to see your GP. They can assess how you are coping and provide a referral to a psychologist or other service if appropriate.  

In an emergency

If you are with someone who is in immediate danger, or concerned for their safety in any way: 

• Call 000 and request an ambulance. Stay on the line, speak clearly, and be ready to answer the operator’s questions. 
• Visit your local hospital’s emergency department. 

If you are worried about someone and need someone to talk to, call the Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467 to speak to a counsellor. You can also click on the chat button to start online counselling. Our service is free and available 24/7. 

If it is an emergency, please call 000.