When you are supporting someone who may be suicidal, it’s normal to feel a mix of emotions. Looking after yourself puts you in a better position to be there for the person you care about.
When someone you care about may be having suicidal thoughts, it’s natural to focus all your attention on them. But your own health and wellbeing need attention too.
When you’re rested, supported and coping well, you’re in a better position to ask questions, listen without judgement, notice changes, respond with compassion, and provide support.
Supporting someone at risk of suicide can bring up a lot. You might feel worried, sad, frustrated, guilty, or unsure whether you’re doing enough. Some people feel a strong sense of responsibility for keeping the person safe.
Whatever comes up for you, those feelings are normal and having them doesn’t make you any less caring. Try to notice how you’re feeling without judging yourself for it. Lowering the bar from ‘I need to be perfect’ to ‘I am doing my best’ takes some of the pressure off.
Know your limits and communicate them to the person.
It can be helpful to be clear about:
If you’re feeling worn out, or you’ve agreed to things you’re no longer comfortable with, it’s okay to change the arrangement. You might say, “I want to keep supporting you. I’m finding the late-night calls hard, so let’s plan to talk in the evenings instead.”
Supporting someone at risk of suicide is not something you should carry alone. If there are other people who care about the person, such as family, friends or a health professional, it’s okay to ask them to share the role. Where you can, talk to the person you’re supporting first about who else they’re comfortable involving.
Sharing the role eases the load on you and means more people are looking out for the person.
People often want to help but don’t know how, so be specific. You might ask someone to:
When your energy is going into someone else, the everyday things that keep you well are often the first to slip. They’re also some of the most effective ways to protect your own mental health and wellbeing.
A simple routine that includes some of these can prevent burnout and give your week a bit of structure when things feel uncertain.
Even when you’re looking after yourself, there will be moments when stress rises. If this happens, you can try one of the techniques below.
Slow your breathing: Slowing your breath can help to settle your body. Breathe in through your nose for four counts, hold for four, breathe out through your mouth for four, and hold again for four. Repeat for a few rounds.
Ground yourself in your senses: When your thoughts are racing, pause and notice what you can see, hear, feel, smell and taste. It takes a minute or two and brings your attention back to the present.
Write it down: Putting your feelings on paper can clear your mind and ease what you’re carrying. It doesn’t need to be neat or even in full sentences. A few honest lines when things feel heavy can be enough. Some people also use a journal to keep track of what’s helping and what isn’t.
Try a mindfulness app: Mindfulness means taking a few moments to notice where you are and how you’re feeling, without trying to change it. If you’re not sure where to start, Smiling Mind is a free app with guided exercises you can fit into a busy day.
Talk to someone you trust: You don’t need to have things figured out or tell the whole story to someone you trust. Saying something simple like “Things feel heavy at the moment, can I talk to you for a few minutes?” is enough to get started. If talking feels hard, a text works too.
Here are some places to get professional support:
If you are worried about someone and need someone to talk to, call Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467 to speak to a counsellor. You can also click the chat button on the right to start online counselling. Our service is free and available 24/7.
If it is an emergency, please call 000.
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