How to talk to somebody about suicide

What to say to someone who is thinking about suicide

You may have noticed someone you care about is expressing some of the suicide warning signs.  You feel worried and overwhelmed by the situation and want to support them, but you aren’t sure what you should say.

You don’t have to be an expert in suicide prevention to start a conversation with the person and offer support. How you approach the conversation matters more than having perfect responses. Showing genuine care and being ready to listen without judgement can have real impact. Your role is to provide support, make them feel less alone, and remind them that you care. Once they’ve opened up about their struggles, your next step may be helping them find appropriate mental health professionals or crisis services.

In this article, we provide some guidance on how to start the conversation and what to say to someone who has suicidal thoughts.

If you are concerned about someone and want to speak to a counsellor, call Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467.

If someone you know is in danger or you’re concerned for their safety, please call 000. Stay on the line, speak clearly, and be ready to answer the operator’s questions.

How to start the conversation

If you are worried that someone may have suicidal thoughts, find a quiet place and start the conversation about the things you have noticed and why you are concerned about the person.

Here are some ways to start the conversation:

• “I’ve noticed that you haven’t been yourself lately. Is everything ok with you?”
• “I’m worried about you. I’m wondering if we can talk about what’s troubling you?”
• “I saw your post on Facebook. Do you want to talk?”
• “You seem really down/sad/angry/unhappy lately. Can we talk about this?”
• “You were there for me when I was going through a hard time. I know you’ve been going through some changes recently. How are you coping?”

Listen without judgement and ask follow-up questions

Listen to what the person has to say in a non-judgemental and compassionate way. Listening shows that you care and want to understand what they are going through.

You can ask follow-up, open-ended questions, such as:

• “How did that make you feel?”
• “How long have you been feeling this way?”
• “What can I do to support you?”
• “That sounds difficult. How are you coping?”

If you are concerned that the person is suicidal, the best way to find out is to ask them directly.

For example:

• “Some people who (refer to the changes you have noticed or discussed) may start thinking about suicide. Is this happening for you?”
• “Are you having thoughts of suicide?”
• “Are you considering suicide?”

Please note that asking the person directly about suicide will not put the idea in their head. By discussing it openly and honestly, you are giving the person the opportunity to express their feelings and take a step towards getting the support they need.

If the person has confirmed they are having suicidal thoughts, you can ask more questions to check on their safety.

For example:

• “Do you have a plan?”
• “Have you taken any steps to carry out your plan?”

Reassure them that their feelings are valid and that many people experience thoughts of suicide – they are not alone in their struggles. You can offer hope that things can get better and that they will not always feel the emotional pain they are experiencing now. Let them know that support is available and recovery is possible.

Get support

If someone’s life is in danger, please call 000.

Encourage the person to reach out to services and health professionals for support.

Helplines

For free support that’s available 24/7, the person can call a helpline:

• Suicide Call Back Service – 1300 659 467
• Lifeline – Call 13 11 14
• 13YARN – Call 13 92 76 (for Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people)
• Kids Helpline – Call 1800 55 1800 (for kids, teens, and young people)

Health professionals

Encourage them to access support from their GP or a mental health professional:

• If they already have a GP, encourage them to make an appointment as soon as possible. Their GP can conduct a mental health assessment and offer referrals to specialists such as psychologists and psychiatrists.
• The Healthdirect website has a service finder for GPs, health professionals, and health services.
• The Medicare Mental Health website can help anyone find the right mental health services and resources for their situation.

You can also reach out to one of the services above for support. You don’t have to manage this alone.

Make a suicide safety plan

You can offer to make a safety plan with the person. A suicide safety plan has a set of practical steps a person can take to help them cope when they are feeling overwhelmed and suicidal. The plan also lists people and services available to help and support the person.

Read our article for more on how to help someone create a safety plan or access the free Beyond Now app.

Check in and keep in touch 

It’s important to check in with the person after you’ve had the first conversation. Keeping in touch shows the person that you care about them and reminds them that they are not alone.

Aside from listening, you can also provide practical support such as accompanying them to medical appointments, running errands to ease their burden, or planning something you can do together.

Tips to keep in mind when you are having the conversation

• Let the person at risk of suicide know that you are concerned and that you care. Often, knowing another person cares enough to become involved and listen to them can be a great comfort to someone who is suicidal.
• Let the person know that you have noticed a change in them. A change in physical appearance, behaviour or something that they have said that might have alerted you. You can be specific about the changes you have observed.
• Simply describe what you have observed rather than use words that convey judgement, such as ‘good’ and ‘bad’. If the person feels judged, they might feel embarrassed or withdraw.
• Be honest and genuine in your concern.

• Acknowledge that you understand that the person is experiencing a lot of pain at present and that it must be distressing to feel this way.
• Show respect and be understanding about their situation.
• Avoid minimising or dismissing their problems. Ensure they know you’re taking them seriously.
• Avoid using statements such as “You don’t know how lucky you are” or “You shouldn’t feel like that.” These might sound to the person as though you are judging them and minimising how they are feeling.
• Offer hope that it is possible for situations to improve or change for the better. It is likely that the factors that contributed to their suicidal thoughts didn’t happen overnight. Therefore, their situation may take time to resolve. However, with support, there is hope for recovery and a fulfilling life.
• Provide reassurance that they are not alone, and you are there for them. You can say something like: “I may not be able to understand exactly how you feel, but I care about you, and I want to help.”
• Try to stay calm during the conversation. You may experience intense feelings like shock, guilt, anger, sadness or denial. However, it’s important to stay calm and non-judgemental, so you can listen and provide support.
• Conversations Matter has information on talking to someone who may be thinking about suicide, as well as resources on talking about suicide prevention in your community.

Your support and showing that you care can help reduce someone’s distress. You don’t need to have all the answers. Simply being there, listening, and offering compassion can mean a great deal to someone who is struggling.

If you are worried about someone, call Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467 to speak to a counsellor. Click on the floating chat button on the right for online counselling. Our service is free and available 24/7.

If it is an emergency, please call 000.