Looking after yourself after a bereavement

Understanding your grief 

When you lose someone to suicide, the experience can feel different from other types of loss. Along with deep sadness and shock, you might find yourself constantly searching for answers, regretting conversations you had or didn’t have, or feeling responsible even though you’re not. You may also grieve the future moments you won’t get to share together. 

The circumstances around losing someone this way are often complicated and confusing. What matters most is knowing that you’re not to blame for what happened. It’s alright not to have all the answers, even if that feels uncomfortable right now. 

These feelings are a natural part of grieving after a suicide. For more on understanding your grief, read our article on Common experiences with suicide bereavement.

Caring for yourself after a suicide bereavement

Be kind to yourself

When grieving a suicide loss, it can be easy to fall into patterns of guilt and shame. Remember that you are not responsible for what happened. Try treating yourself with the same kindness you’d show a dear friend facing the same situation. 

If you notice thoughts like “I should have done more,” gently question that idea and replace it with something more compassionate: “I did what I could with the information I had.” 

Look after your wellbeing

You may not feel like it, but looking after your physical and mental health is important while you are grieving. Try to focus on: 

• Eating healthy meals. 

• Doing some physical activity. 

• Staying connected with other people.  

• Making time for activities you enjoy doing. 

• Ensuring you have the time to yourself that you need.  

• Asking for help and support when you need it.

Connect with people

When someone dies by suicide, the pain of grieving can feel isolating. Connecting with family and friends can help. 

When you feel ready, spend time with people who are comfortable hearing you talk about the person you’ve lost and celebrating their life. Sharing memories, stories and special moments can be a meaningful way to honour the person and acknowledge the difference they made. 

You can also reach out to a counsellor (such as Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467) or search for grief counselling services on Healthdirect. 

Improve your sleep

In the first weeks or months after a suicide, you may find that your sleeping patterns have been disrupted. You might struggle to fall asleep, or you might wake up in the middle of the night and be unable to fall back asleep.  

Here are some tips to help you get quality sleep: 

• Create a restful sleeping space. A cool, dark, quiet, and well-ventilated room supports better sleep.  

• Establish a bedtime routine. A consistent routine helps your brain associate your bedroom with sleep. Include calming activities like reading, meditation, gentle stretching, or listening to relaxing music. 

• Keep regular sleep times. Going to bed and waking up at the same time each day (even on the weekend) helps regulate your body’s natural rhythm, making you feel more alert during the day and naturally tired at night. 

• Get daylight exposure. Natural light, especially in the morning, helps regulate your sleep-wake cycle. 

• Reconsider daytime naps. Whilst naps can provide needed rest, if they’re disrupting your night-time sleep, it might be better to avoid them. 

• Reduce screen time before bed. Try limiting screen time for at least an hour before sleep, as the blue light can negatively affect your sleep quality.  

• Watch your caffeine and alcohol intake. Caffeine can make it harder to fall asleep, and alcohol can disrupt your sleep patterns.  

• Stay active. Exercise in almost any form helps improve sleep quality and duration. Just avoid intensive workouts close to bedtime, as they can be energising. 

• Share what’s on your mind. Talking through difficult experiences with someone you trust can ease worries and help you rest. Journaling can also help release troubling thoughts at night. 

If you’ve tried these approaches and still struggle with sleep, speak with your GP for additional support. 

Find ways to process your emotions 

Finding ways to process your thoughts and feelings is an important part of the grieving process. Strategies that may be helpful include: 

• Journaling your feelings and experiences. 

• Grounding techniques to help you feel present (see an example below). 

• Mindfulness practices, such as focusing on your breathing.  

• Creating a self-care box with items that comfort you. 

Here’s an example of a grounding technique called Five Senses: 

• Name 5 things you can see. 

• Name 4 things you can feel. 

• Name 3 things you can hear. 

• Name 2 things you can smell. 

• Name 1 thing you can taste. 

Dealing with significant events after a death

Anniversaries, birthdays, holidays, and other special occasions can bring up intense feelings and memories. The time leading up to and just after these dates can be especially challenging. 

Taking time to acknowledge your grief, planning ahead, reaching out to people you trust, and doing things that bring comfort can all help. 

You may also want to find meaningful ways to acknowledge these important days. Some people find that rituals can help commemorate the person’s life. It could be as simple as lighting a candle or reading a poem. Below are some other ideas you may want to consider: 

• Doing an activity they loved.  

• Playing their favourite music.  

• Bringing friends and family together for a meal to share special memories. 

• Reaching out to someone else who is also grieving.  

• Volunteering or making a donation to a cause that mattered to them.  

Beyond marking special occasions, some people find comfort in keeping their loved one present in everyday life. This might be through creating a memory box with photos and meaningful objects, planting something in their memory, or cooking their favourite meal.  

Returning to work

While resuming your routine can help you cope with the grief and restore a sense of normality, returning to work may feel daunting.  

Here are some ways you can prepare for the return to work: 

• Discuss your return-to-work timings with your manager.  

• If you can, you may want to ease yourself back in by working reduced hours.  

• Familiarise yourself with your entitlements for compassionate/bereavement leave, including whether you require any documentation to return to work. Your manager or HR department will be able to provide this information.  

• If you have a trusted colleague at work, let them know what’s happening so they can provide extra support if needed.  

• Check whether your organisation provides an Employee Assistance Program (EAP), as you may be eligible for a series of free counselling sessions. 

Seeking professional support

Speaking with a counsellor, psychologist or psychiatrist can be beneficial to help you work through your complex emotions.  

You can also consider joining a bereavement support group in your community for people who have lost someone to suicide.  

Here are some ways to find grief-specific services: 

• Make an appointment with your GP and speak to them about how you are coping. They may offer advice, referrals or create a Mental Health Treatment Plan. 

• Visit the StandBy – Support After Suicide website to find support in your region. 

• Visit the Griefline website for support groups, online forums, and resources.  

• Use Healthdirect to locate grief counselling services in your area.  

• Contact local mental health clinics or counselling centres and ask about their services for suicide loss and bereavement. 

For more immediate support, you can call a free 24/7 helpline: 

• Suicide Call Back Service – for counselling support call 1300 659 467 

• Lifeline – for crisis support call 13 11 14 

• 13YARN – for Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander crisis support call 13 92 76 

• Kids Helpline – for children, teens, and young people call 1800 55 1800 

The pain of losing someone can sometimes be so intense that you might experience suicidal thoughts yourself. If you are having thoughts of suicide, it is important to get professional support. As isolating as grief can feel, you’re not alone, and there are people who want to help. Please reach out to one of the services listed above.  

Reflecting and moving forward  

When you lose someone to suicide, it can be hard to think about the future, as all your energy is going into getting through each day. There will be days when grief still feels overwhelming. But as time goes on, many people find that the intense pain eases and they have more moments of calm and a sense of peace.  

Moving forward doesn’t mean leaving the person behind or forgetting about them. You will likely always carry the loss with you, but you can find a way to honour your loved one while giving yourself permission to keep going.  

For some people, experiencing loss may also lead to self-reflection, where you think about what matters most to you and how you might align your life with those values. This could mean spending more time with loved ones or focusing on activities or causes that feel important to you. 

Grieving isn’t the same for everyone, and it doesn’t happen in a straight line. However, it is possible to build a life that holds both your loss and the hope of what lies ahead.  

If you have lost someone to suicide and need someone to talk to, call Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467 to speak to a counsellor. You can also click the chat button on the right to start an online counselling session. Our service is free and available 24/7. 

If it is an emergency, please call 000.