A suicide attempt is a communication of distress by a person experiencing severe emotional pain. See Why do people become suicidal?
Discovering that someone you care about has tried to end their life can be a devastating experience.
People close to the suicidal person may experience emotions such as shock and denial. In many cases, people describe feeling as though 'something has died', even though the person they care about has survived the attempt. This may stem from a loss of trust in the person.
Sometimes those close to the suicidal person might blame themselves for what has happened, thinking, for example, "if only I'd watched them more closely". The fact that your loved one has attempted suicide is not your fault. See I feel like it's my fault.
Other common feelings and reactions to the suicide attempt of a loved one include:
- Anger: How could they do this to us?
- Shame: I have to keep this secret
- Guilt: Didn't I love/watch/listen to them enough?
- Fear: Will they try again?
- Avoidance: If we pretend this didn't happen, it will go away.
- Minimisation: They are just trying to get attention.
- Cutting off: This is not my problem – someone else can deal with it.
The person you are concerned about will also be experiencing a range of feelings following their suicide attempt, possibly including:
- Fear
- Guilt
- Embarrassment
- Anxiety
- Depression
- Hopelessness
- Shame
- Anger
- Sense of failure
To maximise the chance of preventing further attempts, it is vital that lines of communication are kept open. It is important for carers to be aware of their own feelings and avoid reacting in ways that could block communication or cause their loved one to react angrily and/ or withdraw. Some unhelpful responses include:
- Panicking
- Challenging
- Name-calling
- Preaching
- Ignoring
- Criticising
- Punishing
- Abandoning the person
- Punishing the person
- Getting angry
- Using a 'quick-fix' approach
- Being appalled or offended
- Dramatising
People who attempt suicide and do not receive appropriate care and attention are at high risk of further self-harm. Most people who attempt suicide can move through this crisis with the help of family and friends and professional support.
After a person has attempted suicide:
Seek medical attention immediately. See Emergency Information
Seek assistance from community resources. It is important to involve others – do not try to handle the crisis alone. See Community Resources
Keep the lines of communication open. The person could still be at risk.
Be available and let the person know you will listen. It is vital to create a 'safe space' for the person to talk – this helps to build or re-establish trust between you and the person you are concerned about. A 'safe space' is one in which the person feels loved, cared about, accepted, supported and understood.
Try to understand the feelings and perspective of the person before exploring solutions together. For further suggestions, see What can I do to help?
It is important for the suicidal person to assume as much responsibility as possible for their own welfare as they are capable of at that time. This might be difficult for you to consider, as you might not feel able to trust your loved one at the moment.
The person's capacity to care for his or her own well-being is also influenced by his or her age – adults might be able to assume more responsibility for their own welfare than adolescents and children.
Look after yourself. It is impossible to watch over someone 24/7.
Solutions and the suicidal crisis
If your loved one or friend has attempted suicide, it is very likely that he or she saw suicide as a solution to their emotional pain and problems. In order to let go of 'suicide as a solution', he or she will need to see real changes in his or her life.
It is usually a case of making small steps in the beginning, as the person's difficulties haven't been created overnight. It is vital that the plans or solutions that you explore together are both realistic and meaningful for the person who has attempted suicide.
That is, the changes need to:
- meet that person's needs (rather than the carer's), and
- be solutions the person can realistically live with.
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