Supporting adolescents bereaved by suicide

Adolescence is a complex stage of life encompassing many changes and growth both physically and psychologically. This is a time in which the young person begins to develop a sense of personal identity which incorporates not only the questioning of who they are but also of their values, goals for the future and sexual identity.

The experience of losing a parent, sibling or friend to suicide can be quite difficult during adolescent years and the grief attached to this loss has the potential to inhibit an adolescent's development.

Be aware of any cues or signs of risk

Whilst the young person may be yearning for independence they may also experience a conflicting need for support from those close to them. Daily challenges at school may also lead the young person to feeling alienated and misunderstood by peers and teachers.

These experiences of confusion and isolation can manifest in a number of behaviours such as:

a lack of interest in school or academic work
skipping classes
a lack of interest in activities which had previous meaning for them
chronic depression
sleeping difficulties.

The adolescent may also engage in risk taking behaviour such as:

drug and alcohol consumption
self harm
sexual activity
fighting
suicidal behaviour.

If you notice any of these behaviours it is important to seek support for both yourself and the adolescent (see Community Resources).

Take suicidal or self harming threats seriously

It is critical to take all threats of self harm or suicide seriously and that you ask the adolescent directly about suicide. For further information on what sort of questions to ask, see Concerned about someone? or contact a telephone counselling service such as Suicide Line, Lifeline, MensLine Australia or Parent's Line.

Talking to adolescents about suicide

Listen without judgment
Be honest and upfront about the nature of the death. Adolescents generally have a good idea about what suicide means as it is frequently mentioned in music, on TV and in schools.
Think about spaces or places where you and the young person feel most comfortable talking. Some people find it helpful to talk while going for a drive or walk.
Be patient and willing to talk to the young person when they are ready.
Avoid simplistic sayings such as "you'll be fine" and "cheer up" as these can be hurtful for the adolescent and interfere with their grieving process.
Avoid criticizing the adolescent.

What adolescents need to know

That it's okay to cry, and feel angry and/or depressed.
That it's important to talk to someone they trust when they feel overwhelmed.
That they did not cause the death
That having a laugh or having fun is okay.
That it's okay to move on and enjoy life.

Dealing with anger

Anger is a normal reaction to grief.
Be willing to listen.
Let the adolescent know that it's normal to blame, or feel angry when the causes for the suicide cannot be explained.

Finding someone to talk to

It is important that the young person find someone whom they trust and can talk to, whether it be a family friend, sporting coach, GP, minister or teacher.

It may be helpful to provide the adolescent with resources or contact numbers such as Kids Helpline or Lifeline. You may want to discuss arranging some counselling face to face with either the school counsellor or other community based services such as Jesuit Social Services (Victoria only).

Dealing with the school

Don't assume the school teachers or counsellors know what has happened.
Contact the school and advise them of the death and circumstances.
Talk to the school teacher and school counsellor when the adolescent returns to school.
Inform the school of any anniversary dates and extra stress times.

Suicide within the school community

All government schools are required to have an emergency management plan in place where there has been a suicide by a student or staff member of the school. For further information please refer to the Department of Education in your state.

Further information and support: Community Resources