Looking after yourself
It’s important to look after yourself. Spend time with nurturing people and ensure you have the time to yourself that you need.
Significant events such as birthdays, Christmas and anniversaries can evoke intense feelings and memories. Be prepared for such events and have a plan in place, such as calling or arranging to be with a friend or family member. Triggers such as smells, weather conditions and objects can also stir intense feelings. You may want to think about some strategies that you think are appropriate for you such as going for a walk, talking to someone, deep breathing etc.
At times, particularly in the first year or so, you may feel that you’ll never recover. Any relief you get from grief will seem short-lived and the pain never-ending. You will find, however, that over time, the gaps of relief lengthen and the intensity of the pain diminishes.
Sometimes people who have lost a friend or loved one to suicide might also feel suicidal themselves. The pain connected to grieving might be so intense that you also consider suicide an option.
Many people bereaved by suicide therefore, benefit from counselling. Some people only need one or two sessions, others need ongoing support. You may be able to access free or subsidised support through the coronial services, your local community health centre, your workplace, school or hospital pastoral care. Witnesses to suicide who are unrelated to the deceased person are also entitled to short term support through the coronial services. You can also call telephone counselling services such as the Suicide Call Back Service, Suicide Line (Victoria only), MensLine Australia or Lifeline.
It may also help to attend a support group to share your experience with other people bereaved by suicide.
Just as the reasons behind each suicide are unique, so too are the reactions and coping processes of those left behind. Be kind to yourself, allow yourself to feel the pain and eventually you’ll realise you’ve begun to build a new life. How long you grieve is not a measure of how much you loved the person who died. You’ll never forget, but you’re allowed to move on.
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