How should I talk to them about it?

People thinking about suicide are usually ambivalent about acting on their thoughts of ending their own life. This means that they are uncertain – there is a part of the person that wants to live and a part that wants to die. It is important to hear their pain (the part that wants to die) and work with the part that wants to live to keep the person safe and support him/her to seek help.

Talk openly and freely. Allow the person the space to talk.

A person who is thinking about taking their life is experiencing mental and emotional pain. Letting them express their thoughts and feelings can help a person contemplating suicide to 'share the load' of their troubles and put things into perspective.

• Acknowledge the pain that the person is experiencing right now.
• Let the person at risk know that you are concerned and that you care.
• Often, knowing another person cares enough to become involved and listen to them can be a great help to someone who is suicidal.
• Be honest and genuine in your concern.

Let them know what you have observed. That is, any changes in behaviour and feelings you have noticed or something that they have said that might have alerted you.

It is important to simply describe what you have observed rather than use words such as 'good' and 'bad,' which tend to convey judgment. If the person feels judged, they might close up or withdraw.

Ask directly if they are feeling suicidal or if they have been thinking about suicide.

• Show respect. Be understanding of their situation.
• Listen to what the person has to say.
• Avoid minimising their problems.
• Avoid using statements such as "You don't know how lucky you are" and "You shouldn't feel like that" – these could sound to the person as though you are judging them.
• Remind the person that, although he or she is having thoughts of suicide, he or she can choose not to act on them.
  

Focus on a plan of action to stay safe (keep the person from harming themselves).

Safety contracts

Try to make a safety contract with the person. A safety contract is a verbal agreement given by the person that they won’t try to harm themselves for a certain period of time.

The aim of the safety contract is to prevent the immediate risk of suicide by creating a ‘safety space’ until the person at risk is able to access additional assistance such as professional supports. 

Make sure this plan is achievable and realistic.

 Sometimes when people are in the midst of a suicidal crisis, they might feel unable to continue with their agreement not to attempt suicide without assistance. It is therefore important that safety planning includes identifying safety contacts which are available at all times for the person, such as a family member, suicide helpline/ 24-hour crisis line or professional helper. These numbers need to be written down and easily accessible for the person in case his or her suicidal thoughts intensify and immediate assistance is needed.

Offer realistic hope – it is possible for situations to improve or change for the better. However, it is likely that their problems weren't created overnight, therefore the situation will probably take time to resolve.

What if I think something is wrong but they insist they're okay?

• Continue to be observant.
• Trust your instincts and follow through on any suspicions you have.
• Check if others have noticed anything different.
• Keep an eye out for other warning signs you haven't yet picked up on.
• Reassure the person that you will listen if they have any more suicidal thoughts or feelings